Leaving him behind

I have never been to California. I know it sounds crazy. I grew up 12 short hours from the Pacific Coast – but alas – I’ve never been. So when Jesse came home and said that he had to go to San Diego for work, and that maybe it would be a fun idea to drive the family down for a little weekend getaway to see some awesome friends, I was SUPER excited.

Anyone who has a child with autism knows that taking them away from their routine can be a challenge. Kamp is low functioning so it becomes more difficult to prepare him for change, especially when there is a major communication barrier. (He can’t talk and he doesn’t understand most simple, and all complex reasoning). So what do we do?

A few Sundays before we were supposed to leave for San Diego, my sister Erin called us up and told us that, after talking to my brothers and sisters who live in the area, that they would like to offer their babysitting services, so Jesse and I could take Hadley and Max on a little vacation, and maybe have some “normal” experiences.

I have been told that it’s very important for my other children to have normal experiences that aren’t often afforded them when they have a brother like Kamp. Sometimes our lives get so wrapped up in Kamp that my other two children are put on the back burner.

We accepted Erin’s offer and wouldn’t you know it, the guilt immediately set in! How in the world were we suppose to go on a “family vacation” and leave a very important member of the family behind? I had heard about others and read plenty of experiences that have helped parents of children with disabilities come to a comfortable place and have allowed them to make this same decision I had to make.

When it comes down to it, I know that I’m a reasonable person, I know Kamp would have been completely miserable at Sea World. My sweet friend’s yard – although large and amazing – was in fact a mountain and would have been a disaster waiting to happen. For us to enjoy ourselves, and for Kamp to stay comfortable, we realized that leaving him home was the best decision we could have made.

As it happens, we went to San Diego and had an amazing, relaxing, an “autism-free” time. And when we left to come home, I couldn’t wait to see his face! I am thankful that my other two babies got to have something normal for a change, and to be able to see their parents in all our fun, relaxed glory. Something they don’t get to see too often.

I’m never going to be completely guilt-free when we have to leave Kamp behind. I had so much fun in San Diego, but I was very aware that a special person was missing. I’m too passionate of a person to not feel guilt whenever we leave him. I say that’s ok because as with anything you can learn to separate the two. I can put that guilt away for the sake of my other children – who deserve to have all of their Mom’s attention. And it doesn’t hurt that it makes the reunion so sweet.

A big shout out to my brothers and sisters, and their kids for taking some of their time to take care of Kamp. Love you all!!