Why are kids so cruel? Addressing the “Ice Bucket” challenge prank

Recently, I read a news story about a few boys who thought it would be funny to prank an autistic boy by dumping feces, pee, cigarette butts and other disgusting things on his head for the “Ice Bucket” challenge. I normally don’t get involved in things like this, but since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. I’ve decided to address it because this is a HUGE fear of mine.

I’m not just worried that children might bully Kamp and Max. I’m terrified of kids (in general) who want to be cruel; children who think it’s funny to hurt or torture others who are defenseless. I’m afraid that my boys will one day mistake a cruel child’s act of torture as a sign of friendship.

In my studies of psychology, I can hypothesize two possible reasons kids behave this way. First, they are mentally unstable; meaning they may have a chemical imbalance, or have a disorder themselves that needs to be addressed so that they can overcome their own deficits. And second, they learn to be cruel at home. These are children who are free to do whatever they want while their parents make excuses for them – their “perfect” child. These are they who may come from homes riddled with problems. Perhaps they watch their parents treat others with disrespect. They hear their mom’s gossiping, and their fathers playing the role of, “tough alpha-male.”

Well, I for one have had enough. I’d like everyone to take a look at themselves and how they talk, or behave around their children. What are you teaching them? Do you gossip about others and then watch your son/daughter treat their friends unkindly? Do you talk tough, and then watch your child pushing others around? Remember, kids mimic what they see.

I know that some children have a harder time socializing than others. Learning to be a friend takes time and is a process, but there is a difference between learning how to be a friend and being cruel. Take a look at how your children treat others and then take a hard look at how YOU treat others. Kids pick up on more than you think they do.

Let’s take a stand as parents and start in our own homes. If you spend time teaching your children love and compassion, that’s who they will become.

My heart goes out to that autistic boy and his mother. Because I know she worries every day about her special boy, and her worst fears came true.

In the words of Ellen Degeneres let’s all just, “Be kind.”

This is what the end of my rope looks like

Ok I have been out of the blogging game for a bit – but I’m back baby!

I have been trying for a while to figure out exactly what I wanted to write about, and after some recent events I have decided to climb up on my soap box for a minute. So here I go:

1) When you meet someone who has autism , PLEASE don’t immediately ask, “What’s your child’s special ability?” The truth is that not all children with autism are savants. And when you ask a mother (or father) that question, and at that moment their child’s special ability is head butting you with precision, it can make parents feel pretty uncomfortable.

2) Knowing one or two kids with autism means you know one or two kids with autism. It in no way makes you an expert.  Kids with autism share a lot of the same symptoms, but autism is a HUGE spectrum. While some kids eventually talk, some don’t. Some grow out of being aggressive, and some don’t. When you say things like, “I know a couple kids with autism and they  grew out of it. Yours will too.” you’re being insensitive, and I’m sorry but a little ignorant.

3) Just so everyone knows where Jesse and I stand, we know who Jenny McCarthy is and we don’t agree with what she says, and I personally have some issues with her. I respect any parent who has a child with autism and decides to do the cleansing of metals and hyper-baric chambers because I know they are doing what works best for their loved one. Jesse and I have decided that those procedures aren’t  right for Kamp. We have heard and read all about the gluten – kasin free diets and have seen miracles take place in some kids, but for others (including Kamp) it has not. Meaning, there is no set plan to treat autism. Some things work for some kids and some don’t. That’s the frustrating thing for parents of children with autism, we have to wade through everything and figure out what works best for our kids.

I guess I have decided (after way too many awkward situations this last week) that I need to be a little more direct with people. I keep worrying so much about hurting other people’s feelings that I have allowed other people to say hurtful things to me. I hope this is educational, and who knows, maybe it’s going one too many days without sleep. Or the constant screaming. Or getting hit over and over again. Maybe it’s all those things talking. Yeah, I’m gonna go with that.

Phew, I did it. I can get off that horribly uncomfortable soap box. And as much as I would rather have avoided this conversation, it’s all part of my journey with Kamp. Jesse and I are his advocates.If we don’t stick up for him who will?